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Teshah
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Name: Tish
Country: Australia
Metro: Melbourne
Birthday: 10/30/1990
Interests: Im a songwriter, i play the piano and compose sentimental songs. I admire christina aguilera and her voice. Im emo, in the non-looking emo way. I like the deeper side of people, the one that no one really sees. I think being judged is gay, but it happens to everyone. Hypocrites are worst and they should die. Im in love with people, they captivate me and motivate me. My boyfriend inspires me everysingle day. I love him to bits. My best friends, Jazz, Ange, Yvonne, Amy, Ben, Kirroff, Jade, Tarn && Jo Koh. Thank you for everything* Ya'll are the ones who know me the best.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
MSN: just_that@hotmail.com
ICQ:  198672674
Member Since:
9/24/2003
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| What issit i have to learn?
On the verge of tears, i have to start relying on no one
but myself.
An empty apartment,
An empty contacts list
and
The only person in the room is me.
Sometimes we fall,
we cry,
we break.
It only makes us stronger.
But nonetheless,
we still have to go thru the pain that makes us stronger.
The pain that is unbearable at the moment of time.
Ill be fine.
Right now i just dont know what i want anymore,
when everything gets shattered.
Im supposed to be strong.
Supposed.
Should.
Strong.
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| Scars.
How till today i carry the scars you gave me.
How do you deal with jealousy.
How do you deal with the emotional response
your body has to deal with.
A girl flirts ceremoniously infront of ur loved one;
and they say nothing but, 'its nothing'.
You never understood how hurt it made me,
and all you did was projected it on my insecurities.
That i was being paranoid.
Truth is, I can guarentee u 100% in that time we
were arguing our way through suspicion,
that she liked u.
That she actually DID like you.
That all this time i was right.
Man i cant believe how hurt i still am.
I hate thinking about the past because i can still feel it.
But of course it is all also my fault.
I dont know what it is;
to feel so insecure to the fact that every girl that is nice to u seems
like a definate threat to me.
Think.
Year 10. R.
R broke up with you for the girl you kissed at his bday party.
He hooked up with her one week after we broke up.
They lasted longer.
They were happier.
Curiosity kills.
Well in reality it hurts.
Heart pounding, memories brought about, the scent of a tear in my eye.
The end.
I cant be fucked going through that emotional journey again.
p/s
you have no idea what i have to go through.
How much hurt that has build up throughout the 18 years.
Of questioning myself,
Will i ever be worth it to someone?
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| .Theres a sharp pain in my chest.
So its 2.11am and im up with serious OCD.
I cant sleep, my mind is being a fucking pain in the dick
because it wont let me sleep.
I swear,
if i didnt have a 9.30 class tomorrow and 4 exams next week,
I wouldve reorganized the whole house by now.
Had stress attack before.
One where i was physically pinned down by the stress overload.
One call back home and mummy made it all better.
"Next few days, just take some rest. You're just recovering from
being sick, so sleep in and just relax. Then when you regain your energy,
study. You've got four exams - face one at a time."
Then she updated me about the whole current issue going on
in the world now.
Its so cute shes kinda like my little CNN.
She told me bout how AIG (biggest insurance company in USA) has lost
600 billion dollars of shares.
Oh man i swear i paid so much attention because i wanna go around
telling my friends this. LOL.
I wanna be updated on 'current issues' and sound smart. :)
Other than that,
Im taking it easy this weekend.
Im so lucky my boyfriend doesnt mind me studying my arse off
even when he stays over this weekend.
He couldve just been a sook and stayed home.
And then he's taking me to the aquarium.
I wanted to see penguins but theres no penguins :(
Hahaha, im so excited.
Oh the little adventures my boyfriend takes me on :) 
This is what im NOT seing this weekend :(
boo.
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| Too true.
Another one of those mondays.
Another one of those times wishing i didnt go out on saturday.
Another one of those moments where i wish Aydin didnt have to go home.
But you know what, right now i feel alright.
I jsut watched Sex and the city (the movie) and it is
one of the best feel good movies ever.
I feel a tad bit better.
Friendships and love.
Thats what it really is all about.
Sometimes, I get scared. Its the fear of insecurity.
The fear that nothing is definite.
And i think thats something ive been searching for in my relationships.
I know that pressuring someone to reassure you that its the 'real thing',
is actually putting a strain on yourself & the relationship.
But as girls, u know, we cant really help it.
2 of my closest girlfriends here got screwed over by guys.
Its upsetting to see how people have to go through the pain of the risk of being in love.
But i guess thats it.
The risk, the challenge, The fight of love.
Ive been sick so much lately it truly is running me down.
But sometimes all you need is a little inspiration again, that little gist of
motivation that reminds you of the best of yourself.
A photo of a cute little outfit i whipped up from my
all-over-the-place walk in :)
Ever thine, Ever mine, Ever ours.
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| A thrilling nightmare.
Tears filled and all of that.
I didnt know what was going on.
Another rough day,
another tough day.
I thought i was just coming down.
At one point i got so emotional that i just kinda broke.
I cnat handle being sick.
Besides the physical pain,
i have to deal with my imbalanced emotions as well.
Unbalance? Imbalanced?
I took a walk.
To the edge of crown and back.
Saved again by the boyfriend.
Who listened to me mumble out my baby words and
cried and cried out useless reasons.
I really wanna go back home now.
Being sick just reminds me off home and how much i wanna be back.
But i know im running away.
Theres so many bad memories,
so many haunting ones that just push me away from home.
Im just scared to go back and face it.
Truth is,
I didnt really wanna run away from the first place.
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